That Floating Poo Was Way Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Year.
As we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a selection of series emerge not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
How to start with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, painful arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the third season began, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too symbolic. Still, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the least of this drama's issues. The subject of a very rare zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and consumption? The almost deliberate procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Considering the legal troubles, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but flippant egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which seemed a bit basic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was akin to reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.
